Must I choose?

People always ask what my favorite season is. I wish there was a label for each mini-transformation stage between each season, cause those are clearly the best. 

I always say winter, though, not because of the weather, but because all the best things happen in winter:

• hot chocolate
• skiing
• family hang out time
• snowflakes
• fires in the fireplace
• christmas
• sledding
• decorating cookies
• snuggling
• clementines
• wearing scarves, sweaters, mittens, boots, ear muffs...
• every glimpse out the window is awe-inspiring.

Romans 1:20

For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made, so that men are without excuse.

The best thing about creation, I think, is it's inherent and never-ending flux.
When I think about it, I know I'm the most joyful at the turn of the seasons:
When the leaves just begin changing colors and it's brisk in the mornings..
At the very first snow when the world is completely transformed...
When there are still heaps of melting ice here and there,
but tiny buds start poking up out of the frozen ground...
And when the rain and the wind of spring in Iowa take a break and we get that first cloudless, sunny morning and everybody just exhales slowly and breathes in the calm, warm summer air.


It's seeing God at work.


I thrive on change, my soul finding peace in those moments when I'm assured that life is moving on, continuing the ebb and flow, watching the earth being born and growing and dying and having new life rise out of the ashes... And the best truth of this life: in Christ, we're new creations as well.


Life's a beautiful thing, isn't it?

1 Corinthians 13

Something I've learned in my first few weeks at school: it's not actually as black and white as I'd like it to be. 

from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll:
'Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable — "'
'Found what?' said the Duck.
'Found it,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what "it" means.'
'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?'

To "it", in this case, I might ascribe the meaning of the word "salvation", or perhaps "spiritual maturity" or "being a Christ-follower". I'm not talking about myself, here, so everyone can take a nice deep breath... I'm very secure in my salvation, my own understanding of maturity as it's described in the New Testament, and how I'm called to live my life in a way that's worthy of being labeled as a Christ-follower. But wherein lies the diction of these things? My own understanding of them comes from my life, my experiences, my education, doesn't it? And I'd like to think my understanding is as close to truth, as close to scripture as it can be...

I meet people who don't think the bible is to be taken literally, and others who would use the church as a happy, social part of life (and if at any point it doesn't fit that need, they don't hesitate to jump ship.) And I meet people who talk about loving Jesus, but not feeling a need to study scriptures or grown in their understanding of God, and still others who have all the head knowledge in the world about God and the bible, but I don't see it affecting their lives-- their actions and words and general behavior-- I don't see the change in their hearts, not even a little bit. I'm talking about the people I meet and interact with, the people around me who, like so many Americans, call themselves 'Christians' but really don't seem to be. After pondering for a few days, I've come upon the reason things seem grey:

I'm a crappy judge.

1 Samuel 16:7
"Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

There are cases, most definitely, when I can tangibly see evidence of whether or not a person has been redeemed. I gaze upon a completely misconstrued understanding of God and of the cross, or I look at the fruit of a Christian's life out of which the love of God overflows. But the thing is, I don't actually know. I only know where my own heart is; I can only be sure of my own salvation. And the people whose theology is perhaps twisted and skewed-- deviating from scriptures and what I know to be truth-- I will never truly know the condition of their hearts until I see them in heaven-- or I don't.

And I'm not here to discuss how we do or don't really know if people are saved, I'm here to talk about the practical application of my non-informedness. It breaks my heart... More than anything, I want to gush truth into these peoples' lives. I want them to see where they have erred and I want them to experience the joy of redemption and freedom in Christ, and of growing in their understanding of God. But pelting them with scripture and theology and apologetics, is that really what's best? What's most effective? What Christ would've done?
from Come Around by Jimmy Needham:
Maybe for a minute I can get back to the heart of it
Sure I've got zeal, but does love have a part in it?
Passionate words and beautiful phrases
They just don't mean much if I don't have Jesus in it

We pass out paper facts all week but they won't come around
We can debate theology but they won't come around
Apologetic reasoning, but they won't come around, come around
There's only one way they'll come
and it's love.

...there your heart will be also.

Sometimes it's necessary to take a step back

and realize what things in your life you've elevated to the highest priority.

IDOLATRY.

I don't worship false gods.

I don't bow down before a large golden statue of a cow.

I don't idolize celebrities...

But when I put family, school and friendships

before my relationship with God,

even if only slightly,

those things, which were good things,

are now idols in my life.

....Dangit.

"He only sees one thing, he cares for one thing,

he lives for one thing, he is swallowed up in one thing;

and that one thing is to please God.

Whether he lives, or whether he dies --

whether he has health, or whether he has sickness--

whether he is rich, or whether he is poor--

whether he pleases men, or whether he gives offense--

whether he is thought wise, or whether he is thought foolish--

whether he gets blame, or whether he gets praise--

whether he gets honor, or whether he gets shame--

for all this the zealous man cares nothing at all.

He burns for one thing;

and that one thing is to please God,

and to advance God's glory."

- J.C. Ryle

So, where is my treasure?
I've got to continually remind myself:

the things that are seen are transient,
but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:18

†

Dear Mom and Dad (and anyone else who might care),

I'm all settled in my dorm...
There are lots of nice people in my hall.
We just watched a movie with a projector on a giant screen under the stars.
And by we,
I mean hundreds of people that I don't know who also happen to go to UNI.
It wasn't a good movie, so I watched the cosmos instead.
I'm done with my homework.
I get it done early.
My teachers are all normal human beings.
Some of them are even kind.
I couldn't find one of my classes on Tuesday and I didn't tell anyone.
It wasn't my fault or anything; my schedule had the wrong room number on it.
Don't worry, I figured it out. Eventually...
And went and talked to the professor,
to apologize for my freshman-ness,
and see what I missed and how I could be prepared for the next class:
I handled it by myself.
I felt like a grown-up,
and a scared little kid,
all at the same time.
Every morning I wake up a little too early.
So I go to the union and eat a muffin and drink some juice and read my bible...
And I wait for my day to begin.
People smile at me.
I smile back.

It's been a while since I hit my head on my loft.

A while translates into roughly 6 hours.

I clipped my nails today, because I couldn't play my guitar.
Someone tell my nieces that their aunt loves them, okay?

I'm scared to try to use the coin laundry machines.
I stay up later than I mean to every night.
I miss my brothers.
Advice from my first week: if your biggest pet peeve is air blowing on you,
don't live in a place that's SO hot you're forced to have fans on you 24/7.
I've been eating remarkably heathy meals each day.
My love of spinach is accredited to Earl Taylor.
Thanks, bud.
This morning I awoke to discover the astonishing fact that
both my watch AND the clock on our wall had stopped working overnight.
I proceeded to freak out, thinking I had overslept,
only to find my phone, which had fallen on the floor, revealing the time to be
5:38 AM.
Yep.
I've been quoted in two peoples' Facebook statuses this week.
Reading one made me cry...
The other one was:
"We're church shoppin' like it's Black Friday!"
Explanation:
At the end of the week,
I will have gone to precisely 11 church-affiliated events.
Separate churches.
Separate events.
I'm tired.
I miss my house church.
I miss my Mother church.
I miss...
Remind me to buy batteries.
And more tea bags.
And probably some instant oatmeal, if it's on sale.
I went on a run the other day.

My ancient phone has been working well-- I know you were wondering.

The desk lamp I got from Goodwill has a warning about UV radiation.........

Should I be concerned?

Luke: I've had some time to read C.S.,
but I don't know if I'll be done by Labor Day.

My heels hurt when they touch the floor each morning.
Not so sure what that's about...

Today I called my high school French teacher,
and I thanked her for preparing me so well.
Many of the people in my classes can't pronounce basic vocabulary...
I feel like a French wizard--- magically capable of helping them out.
Sometimes I break pens.
Pencils, highlighters, staplers...
Mom... Should I be watering our plant more? How much sunlight does it need?
I miss your morning hugs.
And the other-times-of-day ones, too.
So far I've only made two paper cranes during my entire time here.

I have a terrible feeling that that's symbolic in some horrible way...

I want a best friend.

I want a best friend who lives near me.

I want a best friend who lives near me and loves Jesus.

I want a best friend who lives near me and loves Jesus and shows it.

I've said my name, majors, hometown and grade more times this week
than my junior and senior years combined.
Dad, you know what a feat that is.
... and I have a picture of us
skating when I was 11 years old
framed on my desk.

With Colossians 1:9-12 and "Do good" written by it.

Sometimes I just feel like crying.
You know what I mean?