OSTRICHES: [the Reconciliation]

This post is the third of a three-part documentation of the journey my overly-analytical mind took while hitting the replay button on the song below. Please give it a listen in its entirety before diving in; I've written out the lyrics for your convenience. Click here for part one and click here for part two.

—   —   —

My False by Matt Corby

You see, I don't know where I'm running to

It's become quite hard to see

There's a guilty weight on my conscience

Of all my wrongful deeds

It's time to reconcile
It's time to reconcile

Oh, if I walk into the darkness I'll be lost
But if I try to stay, the light will show my false

I will keep my head in the sand, dear

Let the grains block out the sun

With shame as my companion

It will stay close til I'm done

It's time to reconcile
It's time to reconcile

Oh, if I walk into the darkness I'll be lost
But if I try to stay, the light will show my false

—   —   —

[the Reconciliation]
I met a guy named Donovan who talked about this constant, unfulfilled, dissatisfied, restless longing that every human carries with them every moment of every day.
He said, "If someone offered me eternal life, I'd say No thanks—
unless something is gonna be radically different."

I agree.
Cause if I pay attention, I don't see people thriving.
It seems like the ache of this song is echoed in the hearts of everyone around me.

And maybe you've noticed, too.
Maybe, as hard as you try,
a purposeful, beautiful, joyful life just doesn't seem to be in the cards.


Honestly? No. Of course I don't want eternal life—— IF ETERNAL LIFE IS LIKE this.
This life is miserable, painful, difficult, and hopeless.

We've all felt it.
But why?

—Cause we, as human beings, have a voracious appetite for pleasure and acceptance which we can never quench. These constant desires prevent us from ever being satisfied by anything in this world.

But I'm telling you, there is something AMAZINGLY, RADICALLY DIFFERENT for you.

I t ' s   t h e   G o s p e l .

AND THIS IS WHY IT'S SO AMAZING:

God doesn't shrug his shoulders at all the stuff that's wrong with this world and me in it
and decide he can tolerate all the shortcomings.
It's not about acceptance; it's about reconciliation.
He doesn't accept me 'as I am.'
He doesn't leave me to remain in this current state;
HE RADICALLY TRANSFORMS ME WITH HIS LOVE.

"The Gospel is better than unconditional love.

  The Gospel says, ‘God accepts you just as Christ is.

God has ‘contraconditional’ love for you.’ 

CHRIST BEARS THE BURDEN YOU DESERVE  

Christ is fully pleasing to the Father

and gives you His own perfect goodness.  

Christ reigns in power,
making you the Father’s child and coming close to you 

to begin to change what is unacceptable to God about you. 

God never accepts me ‘as I am.’ 

He accepts me ‘as I am in Jesus Christ.’

THE CENTER OF GRAVITY IS DIFFERENT

The true Gospel does not allow God’s love

to be sucked into the vortex of the soul’s lust

for acceptability and worth in and of itself."

 
[C.J. Mahaney]

Your guilt, lostness, and shame aren't yours to bear.

[it's time to reconcile]

†

You will most likely find this to be at least a little bit offensive.

[but stick with me anyway]

I struggle with pride.

...That seems too nonchalant a statement. Let me try again:

Every single day, hundreds of thoughts that cross my mind are saturated in sinful pride. It was many years into my Christian faith before I actually labeled what I was doing as sin, and it was many years before I realized the extent of that sin in my life. Having repented and asked for forgiveness, I still struggle with pride daily. It's my vice— my own personal poison. I didn't choose it. It's a root that runs deep, but I know that by Christ's power I can overcome all temptation and sin in my heart, because I have been convicted about my sin by the Holy Spirit, and God has promised to conform me to Jesus' righteousness. 

There are a lot of people God placed in my life who could probably see with vastly more clarity than I just how deep in sin I was. But those people didn't inform me of how despicable my pride was. They didn't pass judgment on me; they recognized that this wasn't their job. Their job was to show me love, and that's exactly what happened. They heaped friendship and grace and encouragement into my life by the truck loads. My sanctification process took a long time to begin, and it's still not even close to completion, but you know what? That's been God's plan all along. It was only ever going to be accomplished in His perfect timing.

If those Christ-followers in my life had instead spent years trying to convince me of the sin in my life, making me feel dirty, worthless, and unholy— how effective do you think that would have been? If those people had spent our time together throwing scripture at me, outlining the flaws in my character and lifestyle— do you think I would have responded favorably? Even if I saw my pride for the despicable thing that it was, do you think their judgment would have spurred me toward actual, genuine repentance?

Highly unlikely.

"...do you not know that God's  K I N D N E S S  is meant to lead you to repentance?"

[Romans 2:4b]

— — —

Is everybody tracking with me? Are we all in agreement?

OKAY.

So, now I want you to go back and read that again— but any time the word 'pride' appears, I want you to read it as 'homosexuality' instead.

Seriously. Go back and read it again.

— — —

Did I lose any of you?

All of a sudden, there's an issue. Christians being homosexual? And not being immediately and openly rebuked? I can hear the objections being raised: "Christians have to hold one another accountable!" "We're called to lives of righteousness!" "We shouldn't allow our brothers and sisters in Christ to continue in sin!"

I fully agree.

Did you hear me?

I   f u l l y   a g r e e .

The church— NOT THE GOVERNMENT, BUT THE BODY OF CHRIST— must be accountable to one another, pushing each other towards righteousness and coming alongside one another in order to strive to follow Christ's commands.

Let's not make the mistake of thinking, however, that it's our job to change people.

That's the Holy Spirit's job.

Mankind has been historically unsuccessfully mandating morality. If there's one thing I've learned from studying the past, it is this: obedience in the hearts of men cannot be achieved through laws. When religious institutions or governments have tried, the people either openly oppose, disobey in secret, or adhere out of fear— never freely, genuinely, or willingly.

If you want our government to adopt God's law,

do you also want your salvation to come from how well you follow it? 

—because if we think we can moralize society through legal means,

we are removing Christ from Christianity.

Have we forgotten our first love? We, too, were lost in sin before Christ washed us clean. And yet every single believer— who has been born again and made new— still struggles with sin.

I am simultaneously disobedient and righteous.

At the same time a sinner and a saint.

Already and not yet.

This mystery cannot be fully understood by men, let alone accomplished through their efforts.

I'm pleading with you: never place morality above the scandalous grace which we have all found in Jesus Christ. It took me years of being a Christian to truly acknowledge my sin for what it is and begin actually desiring for it to be eradicated from my heart. This is a process of sanctification that all believers go through.

So why is it okay for you and me, but not okay for homosexuals?

We preach love and mercy and grace,

but where is its tangible manifestation?

Step back from this heated political debate for a moment and honestly ask yourself: Do I really believe that judgment and legalistic mandates of my religious beliefs will win anyone to Christ?

Isn't bringing people to the Kingdom our ultimate goal?

This world is broken.

My heart aches for the sinful condition of our culture.

It's riddled with pain, immorality, grief, violence, and hatred.

But let us never make the mistake of assuming that manmade institutions are the solution.

This world doesn't need moral laws;

THIS WORLD NEEDS JESUS.

The law brought death.

LIFE COMES THROUGH SACRIFICIAL LOVE.

I know it's hard to love people who don't seem to deserve it...

But, more often than not, those are the people who need it the most.

We've been recipients of completely undeserved forgiveness and grace.

We've had judgment entirely removed, though we did nothing to earn it.

We're daily given second, third, and four-hundred and ninety-eighth chances.

forgive as he forgave

comfort as he comforted

serve as he served

encourage as he encouraged

bless as he blessed

sacrifice as he sacrificed

withhold judgment as he withheld judgment

LOVE AS HE LOVED

"This is the practical, tangible working of the vision
that forces us to see, oppose, and cast out

not the people who oppose the gospel,

but the spiritual strongholds that possess them to do so.

You want to know how to bring people to Christ?

Identify the spiritual strongholds that stand between them and God,
and tear them down with pointed, intentional love.

Overwhelm the lies of the enemy in a person's life with such
a powerful, observable manifestation of God's love

 that they cannot help but see who they are
in God's eyes.

This is the love of the Father—
intentional love

 —and this is the only love that will beckon people to salvation."

[The Vision by Mattie Montgomery]

†

At the Castle in the Air

     "You must never feel badly about making mistakes," explained Reason quietly, "as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons."
     "But there's so much to learn," Milo said, with a thoughtful frown.
     "Yes, that's true," admitted Rhyme, "but it's not just learning things that's important. It's learning what to do with what you learn and learning why you learn things at all that matters."

[The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster]

If it be true, I conclude something huge.

But in the end, God doesn't need a defense.

He is who He is.

Amen.

it's a bloody mess

"Well, today I found out that there are about 150 empty dorms on campus," my dad says.

I respond: "That seems like a lot... Do that many people just quit school?"

"It's a small percentage of 30,000."

"Wait," says my brother, "I actually thought the drop out rate was higher than that."

"It probably is, but not all of them live on campus."
"I know a kid who dropped out of college recently." I add, "Pretty sure he's in prison now... But hey, I guess there are a lot of different—"

My words catch in my throat.

The list of reasons people don't finish school doesn't need to be discussed tonight.

I drop my gaze from my brother
as the reminder of his friend's fatal car accident sears yet another hole in my heart.

There are so many now, it's amazing I still have a pulse;
That cardiac muscle of mine is beginning to resemble swiss cheese.

As my blood pressure drops, I try to scream.
It comes out hollow, weak and unconvincing, falling on deaf ears.

But I need them to understand.
I need them to realize that life can be cut short in the blink of an eye—
that their YOLO world view doesn't cut it—
that their lives are worth more than that—
worth more than they could ever know.

The blood of God has been spilt willingly on our account.
So what am I worth?
What are any of us worth?

"Worth, value, and beauty are not determined by some innate quality,
but by the length for which the owner would go to posses them.
And broken and ugly things like us are stamped excellent
with ink tapped in wells of divine veins—
a system of redemption that could only be described as perfect." 

[Propaganda]

After seven minutes

of untangling christmas lights...

MOM:

This is a recipe for frustration.

ME:

You do look pretty frustrated...

LUKE, HOLDING A PIECE OF GREENERY AND NOT HELPING AT ALL:

So, should we take a break and play scrabble?

Forgive me for asking.

[by Propaganda]

Question:

(And this is embarrassing)

———You ever been scared you had no idea what you were talking about?

Yeah, me too.

Honesty perplexed.

I've lied and so have you, Christians.

Lying.

Like you never had questions?

Like you never had a moment

when your inner dialogues

were all of a sudden in third person like,

"Are you really buying this?"

You're lying.

Like your eyes are 100% always satisfied by your spouse and you don't need accountability

—neither of which is biblical, by the way.

YOUR EYES ARE NEVER SATISFIED.

Us, overgrown primates with egos, lying.

You quote the devil when you declare yourself okay!

You get it but you don't get it.

Like you've never planted your Chuck Taylors firmly in the sinking sand…

You're lying.

We for centuries sing hymns of grace,

and THIS IS WHY IT'S AMAZING!

And if it's not, you don't understand…

Or you're lying.

Which is why your friends don't believe you. 

There is just as much Jesus' blood on your hand as there is his.

You sure you understand the cross?

Forgive me for asking.

Forgive me for asking.

And Muslims— excuse my boldness— but what if you're lying, too?

Like you don't ever have questions?

As if you've never wondered why Allah's ears only hear directionally,

and if you accidentally point it slightly north easterly then you've blasphemed?

As if the thought has never crossed your mind

that the Jihad has interpreted the Quran correctly

and you are what we Christians would call 'lukewarm'?

Which makes you much more like my evanjellyfish churchianity would allow me to admit. 

And you call me on it; I'll deny it, just don't believe me

because I'm lying.

I strain at gnats; I focus on silliness; I act like God has joined a political party— just like you.

As if you've never thought,

"What if I was paralyzed and I can't make my pilgrimage to Mecca—

yet I follow the text better than my whole family? Is there enough mercy for me?" 

Forgive me for asking.

Forgive me for asking.

I know it's wrong for me to front like I understand your theology

as well as I think I understand mine,

but I know we can agree on this: 

Something is deathly wrong with us. 

And you, smarty pants— don't front—

Like the little you know about our universe, you ready to draw conclusions about it's origins?

Maybe we don't know as much as we think we do…

———Science still can't explain yawning.

Like you never took your world view to its furthest conclusions?

>>>>> That if human behavior is just what protoplasm does at this temperature,

then there is no need for humanitarian effort,

because these atrocities weren't wrong,

IT'S JUST THE UNIVERSE WEEDING OUT BAD GENES.

Them is fingernail-on-chalkboard words, ain't 'em?

You're lying.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you're right.

Maybe we'll find out the day after the world ends.

Yeah, I guess we're all a little inconsistent,

SO MAYBE WE CAN JUST SHOW EACH OTHER SOME GRACE.

Forgive me for asking.

Forgive me for asking.

Forgive me for asking.

You ever bury yourself in self-righteous guilt?

[Huh, me too.]

Are there fresh tally marks on the walls of your brain's prison,

[Mine, too]

hoping that the count of good deeds outnumber the bad ones?

Are your miserable failures your badges of honor?

And when you count those tallies, 

and the day the good outnumber the bad,

pat yourself on the back:

YOU HAVE JOINED THE REST OF HUMANITY.

You, too, are lying.

Like you never thought, "Someone might catch me in my contradiction."

Yeah, me too.

You ever think to yourself, "I have no idea what I'm talking about"?

Yeah, me too.

Forgive me for asking.

Forgive me for asking.

[Free, legal download of this album here.]

Chicken Sandwiches and Whitewashed Tombs.

I have seen exactly one episode of Glee in my life, and all I can remember is each person receiving a t-shirt with their major insecurity written on it in large, bold letters. T-shirts reading, "FOUR-EYES" or "GINGER" or "CAN'T DANCE", and then there was some sort of happy message about how we should all own our flaws because they make us beautiful.

Put on your stretchy thinking caps, everyone:
A fast food chain recently threw two groups of people into the spotlight— homosexuals and Christians— sparking a hateful, viral battle of opinions. And I gotta be honest, all I see are t-shirts donning either "GAY" or "CHICK-FIL-A".

Gadzooks, it's Glee in real life!
                      [Allow me, for a moment, to explain myself.]

Homosexuality is a lifestyle sin.
It forces gays to wear their sin like t-shirts for the world to see.
And, hey, this is also often true for prostitutes, thieves, and murderers.
Theirs is a brokenness that shows on the outside.
Like a t-shirt. Get it?

Here's where it all falls down:

In my interactions with people whose sin is evident to me, I work very hard to show love and kindness and grace. I strive to withhold judgement and look past imperfections.

Every once and a while, despite my efforts to act impartially, I catch myself harboring arrogance that makes me feel sick to my stomach; I realize that even if I don't act like it, I'm positively filled with pride.

When I read through the records of Jesus's life, it becomes very apparent to me that the sin for which he had the greatest distaste was pridefulness. Jesus ate dinner with sinners. He spent time with them and showed them real love. It was the Pharisees— those who thought they knew everything and followed all the rules— whom Jesus would not tollerate.

Does it strike anybody else as cruelly unfair that, because of the different natures of our sins, I'm allowed to hide mine while others must parade theirs around on display, open to public ridicule? I let people see the 'good' things that I do and coast by on the assumption that no one can see my sin because it's internal. Who do I think I am?

—1 Samuel 16:7—

"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

My t-shirt is pearly white.
Which is great, except that it's covering up my rotting flesh.
So who do I think I am? In hindsight, I think I'm a moron.

— — — — —— — — — — — —

I saw a post on twitter a while back that said,

I LOVE GAY PEOPLE. Or as I sometimes like to call them, "people"

And I don't know if that makes you laugh or shocks you, causes you to smile or to promptly close this window...... But I think that's beautiful.

Every person who has ever lived

—apart from one—

has lived with sin that had the power to destroy their soul.

And the One who lived without sin?

He became sin for us
—all of us—
that we might be free from it.

FREE.

"Because Jesus was strong for me, I was free to be weak;
Because Jesus won for me, I was free to lose;
Because Jesus was Someone, I was free to be no one;
Because Jesus was extraordinary, I was free to be ordinary;
Because Jesus succeeded for me, I was free to fail."
(-Tullian Tchividjian)

And I love this freedom.
I love not being condemned for my sin.
I love that I am free from failure because of what Christ did for me.

If I'm so in raptures at this freedom, shouldn't I extend the same freedom to absolutely everyone I encounter?
Uh, YES.
This starts with openness regarding my own sin, and real love in spite of theirs.

I'm not owning my flaws because they make me beautiful;

I'm owning my flaws because they show that He truly is.

†

I cried today.

Because I realized I'm that person James was talking about.
That guy who studies his own face in the mirror,
and then turns and walks away,
promptly forgetting what he looks like.
I hear the word, but I don't do the word.

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO CALL YOUR SELF A DISCIPLE OF JESUS."

I say all these things, but do I really have the will to put them into action?

Or am I just reciting these truths--

these beautiful, perfect, flawless truths--
these truths I've learned but never fully bought into?
Because I've never truly applied them to my life--
Not in their entirety, at least.

"HOW DID WE GET TO A PLACE IN CHRISTIANITY WHERE PEOPLE CALL THEMSELVES 'CHRISTIANS' BUT LOOK NOTHING LIKE JESUS?"

I cried because I fall short.
Again and again and again.
For this I hate myself sometimes.
At least I hate the parts of me that aren't reflecting Christ.
Which, at times, can be a rather pretty overwhelming proportion.
And so I beat up on myself.
I cried because when I listen to myself, I hear:
I'll never be good enough.
I'll never be satisfied with myself.
I'll never consider myself to be valuable.
And then I realize that my thinking is completely backwards.
And that in my self-loathing,
I'm defiling something that God created to be pure and beautiful and holy.
Not my actions, which are sinful-- that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about me.
Because my sin has been washed away.
I'm talking about the reality that I'm justified in the eyes of my creator.
He looks at my filth and sees Jesus' blood:
and it is finished.

Yet I continue to treat myself like garbage,
somehow warping truth & thinking I need to be punished for the crappy stuff I've done--
for my continual failures and shortcomings.
Thinking that I need to suffer for my wrongs,
as though they require more payment...
As though Jesus' death was somehow insufficient.

I cried today because I couldn't bring myself to accept His grace.
Not that I don't think it's adequate:
I know it's more than enough.
The insufficiency I'm overwhelmed with is my own.
I don't feel like I'm worthy of anything,
let alone perfect love.
Today is one of those days that I just have to remind myself...
The point of grace is that I don't deserve it.
Because when I'm utterly incapable on my own, that's when God get's all the credit.
And my self-worth should reflect the fact that I'm a part of God's kindgom.
The point of everything is for God to receive the most glory.
And that isn't achieved by me punishing myself;
it's achieved by complete humility, gratitude, submission and praise.

2 Timothy 1:9-10

"[God] saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel"

( I Wonder by Leeland )

I’m in awe at the majesty of who You are

Your love is a seal burnt inside my heart

All of the day I want to be where You are

Holy Father

And it feels like there’s not enough praise inside of me

With all these words, all my heart can sing is holy

You are holy 

Jesus Christ

You bled Your love, laid down Yourself

And gave me life

In naked shame You hung and You were lifted high

Here I lay in awe and wonder

And I am afraid

For no one’s ever sacrificed and loved me this way

So on my face I fall under Your heavy grace

Here I lay in awe and wonder

And I wonder

We're at war.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

(Romans 5:1-5)

Something I've been thinking about for the past few weeks, which has surfaced in conversations, books and scripture I've been reading, and songs and a few different sermons I've listened to: what is our attitude toward suffering? And what's our response? When we suffer, when stuff isn't going the way we'd like or the way we expected, we're called to have joy.

To REJOICE.

Easier said than done, I know. The world is tainted by sin so, sure, it sucks; but we can have confidence that there is a loving Father behind every aspect of our lives, including our suffering. And He does NOTHING without purpose.

That's something to be joyful about. And maybe not in the sense that you're always happy or always in a good mood, but in continually having contentment and peace in the understanding that the trials of this world cannot possibly overcome us if we are in Christ.

--John 16:33--
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.
In the world you will have tribulation.
But take heart; I have overcome the world.

God gives us grace sufficient for each day. That's the only reality with which we can have complete joy, too: Our faith is in God alone to get us from day to day. Our contentment is not circumstantial. When we set our hope on God-- when it's no longer about us, but instead about what He has done for us-- He works through our trials to achieve good. Good for us? Sometimes, sure. But not always. Sometimes we suffer merely so we can empathize and share Christ with others in their suffering. In the same way, when God gives us comfort, it's so that we can turn around and pour out comfort and love on others.

We need to get our eyes off ourselves and fix our eyes on Jesus.

And it's hard. It's going against our nature. Our selfish narcissism gets in the way. Our pride, our self-centeredness, our sin. It's a battle; all day, errrr day.  Fighting to tear our focus off the circumstantial storms that threaten to blow us off course. The crucial thing is, though, that they only have merit if you accredit it to them. So I'll reiterate:

What is our attitude?

"God does not mean for us to be passive. He means for us to fight the fight of faith--the fight for joy. And the central strategy is to preach the gospel to yourself. This is war. Satan is preaching for sure. If we remain passive, we surrender the field to him. You must go on to remind yourself of God; who God is, and what God has done, and what God has pledged 

Himself to do..."

1. Realize that authentic joy in God is a gift.
2. Realize that joy must be fought for relentlessly.
3. Resolve to attack all known sin in your life.
4. Learn the secret of gutsy guilt - how to fight like a justified sinner.
5. Realize that the battle is primarily a fight to see God for who he is.
6. Meditate on the Word of God day and night.
7. Pray earnestly and continually for open heart-eyes and an inclination for God.
8. Learn to preach to yourself rather than listen to yourself.
9. Spend time with God-saturated people who help you see God and fight the fight.
10. Be patient in the night of God's seeming absence.
11. Get the rest and exercise proper diet that your body was designed by God to have.
12. Make a proper use of God's revelation in nature.
13. Read great books about God and biographies of great saints.
14. Do the hard and loving thing for the sake of others (witness and mercy).
15. Get a global vision for the cause of Christ and pour yourself out for the unreached.
     (From 'When I Don't Desire God' by John Piper)

"I hear so many christians, murmuring about their imperfections, and their failures, and their addiction, and their shortcomings. And I see so little war! 'Murmur, murmur, murmur; why am I this way?' MAKE WAR!"

(Tedashii)
I make war

Cause sin never sleeps

It's got me in a trance

You can see it in my dreams

I make war

Man, I beat my flesh

To the death

Every breath

Like I beat my chest

I make war

Sun up

I make war

Sun down

I make war

Time in

I make war

Time out

I make war

Against lust
I make war

Against pride
I make war

Against me
I make war

Until I die