"I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made for figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently." -Donald Miller
Correction, growth, refinement. I have this inherent, burning desire to see myself progress. There's a lengthy list of flaws that need to be pruned. I'm prideful. Unkind. Lazy, irresponsible, rude, and above all, selfish. Perhaps you haven't noticed... Perhaps I hide it all quite skillfully. I certainly hope not; I want to be open and vulnerable about my failures, because it's what makes me human, and it's what makes the cross so sweet. As a Christ-follower I can step out of the shadows and reveal my faults; that's when they're washed away. When I'm weak, then I am strong. It's hard, though. I mean, who really wants to shout their flaws from the rooftops? It doesn't sound too terribly appetizing... That gets me thinking, though--- if at any point I'm not willing to openly confess that my heart is rotting in sin from the inside out--- Do I really want to be transformed? When I'm transparent about my sin, it brings glory to God through what Christ is doing in my life. Isn't my silence really just me denying, holding onto that which I don't want to admit or give up? I occasionally have to reassess, then, if that's truly what I'm looking for. I can honestly say that I want change, but I think sometimes I'd prefer if that change wasn't internal. Sanctification is hard: it stings. It's not what we want by nature. It's going against the grain; it's dragging yourself upstream--- against the current--- toward something that, you have to remind yourself repeatedly, is actually better for you. I catch myself desiring change in my life (instead of in my heart) simply because I'm not content with my current circumstances. But I'm not content with the circumstances God has placed me in because of a deeper issue. This world is tainted by sin and will never satisfy any of us-- so where should I be finding my contentment, really?
God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.
...reading When I Don't Desire God by John Piper and listening to
Wedding Dress by Derek Webb
Such a good point.
ReplyDeleteAlso, every time I think of that song, I think of our conversations at camp. Thanks for being open with me and for pointing me to Jesus! :)