If I were God, I swear, I'd be so annoyed with me...

I remember when I was a youngin'.
I thought college kids were SO cool.
They were so adulty.
Independent. Confident. Awesome.
It was like, "Mannnn, I can't wait until I'm that old!"


Welp...
Here I am.
And some days I have to remind myself that I am, in fact, this old.
It's those days — the days when real life sneaks up, whops me on the back of the head and proceeds to run away, giggling — that I ask,
"EY! When did YOU get here?!"
Ridiculous, really — I've spent so much time in the last few years sitting around, praying and asking God for things. Telling Him I'm ready for this and that; ready to be used by Him and ready for real life to begin. As though I knew better than He what I was and was not ready for; as though 'real life' was something I hadn't yet entered.....

He waited patiently for the day that I finally realized I wasn't in control; the day when I willingly handed over the reins to the One who actually knows what the destination is. It was on this day that I realized that I was far better off trusting in the Author of the universe with my story than trying to feebly construct something of beauty on my own— and oh, what a day it was.

(a Tuesday, I think...)

Up next was the period in my life where I asked God what the plan was. I had acknowledged my lack-of-control-ness; I was now ready for whatever He had in store. The mildly satirical summation of my mindset was as follows:

"Hey, God. I have no control over anything; You've completely got it covered. You're awesome and powerful and loving and in control and all that stuff. Mmm."
*thoughtful pause*
"So. Since I fully trust you now and everything— where exactly are we going?"

Sarah Thvedt has given me some pretty brutal colloquial beatings to this effect.
I've grown to love it.
I've also grown from it; I've seen my capricious faithlessness and realized it takes more than that to truly hand my life over to my Creator.

And some days I feel peace about leaving my life in God's hands. Some days I worry about the future and where I'm headed. Some days I feel ready to take on the world and I wish He'd hurry up and let me in on the agenda. Some days I feel entirely inadequate for the tasks at hand.

Each and every day I feel blessed to have my life in His hands.

My God is a god who guides.
My God is a god who is in control.
My God is a god who has a perfect plan.
My God is a god who gives me everything I need.
My God is a god who knows the right timing for everything.
My God is a god who loves me despite my constant second-guessing.
My God is a god who is way more patient with me than I would be with myself.

...Thank God.